There are many things you can do in under thirty seconds. Here’s a few of them, interspersed with screenshots from unclechicken’s latest game, Wizzard…

1. Listen to the Napalm Death song, You Suffer, fifteen times.

Roy Wood has really let himself go, hasn't he?

Roy Wood has really let himself go, hasn’t he?


2. Run 100 metres, three times. If you’re Usain Bolt.


Spoiler: the letter “t” doesn’t actually do anything, presumably because your wife isn’t listening.


3. Google “things you can do in under 30 seconds”, and decide they’re all a bit crap.

The Wizzard goes off on his epic quest to find his lost love...

The Wizzard embarks on his epic quest to find his lost love…


4. Play unclechicken’s latest game, Wizzard.

...oh, there she is.

…oh, there she is. Those pointy things in the background are either the pyramids of Giza, or The Point, Milton Keynes.


5. Write a CSSCGC review about unclechicken’s latest game, Wizzard.

Whaaaaaat?! That’s the whole review? I hear you cry. Well, back in the early 00s you’d be lucky to get a paragraph or even a sentence. One of my entries’ reviews consisted of three words – “Argh! My ears” – which was probably more than it deserved, but still poor compensation for the sweat and toil I’d put into the game. So think yourselves lucky I’ve got to 200 words already!

Score: 1 zeptosecond out of 100 aeons.

Download here.


  1. I genuinely looked at the screenshots for this game and thought “hmm, that looks familiar”. It took me over a minute to realise the reason it looked familiar was because I played and completed it when the chicken originally sent it in, and then promptly forgot all about it.

    1. It makes Bruce Lee look like Abu Cymbal Procreation, or whatever it was called.

  2. A game without all the unwanted padding of walking from screen to screen collecting objects, jumping nasties, save points, powerups, level bosses. I like this one.

    Heartland, take note, I’ve been to the old book store, found another complete copy of that book, here it is…. oh the game has crashed.

  3. Lovely graphics and animation. Lacking in everything else. Well done!

  4. Forgot to mention and give credit…… Over on the AGD forums, the user andrewvanbeck gave me a lot of help and drew the wizard sprite for me, because i’m crap at drawing sprites.

    1. Really? I would never have guessed, given the high quality HD photo-realistic easily-identifiable graphics in your other popular titles like Mrs Pickford. No, hold on.

      (I’m crap at graphics too. In my current in-development title – which Mr Spoon is going to LOVE btw – I have a woman UDG which looks more like a tree. Or maybe she’s wearing a hat. Given the subject of the game I’m doubtful it matters though – it could well be a tree wearing a hat and it would still make sense.)

  5. This year being the first time i’ve heard of the CSSCGC, I might try to remake a game in the remake challenge.

    Just got to choose one.

  6. This game is great for all of those people who have a lost love that looks like a lemming. Top class.

    1. I did all the graphics apart from the wizard, thats why everything else looks crap.

      1. And if you hold down O and P at the same time, the wizard does the running man dance.

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