Tag: advanced wife finding simulator


There are many things you can do in under thirty seconds. Here’s a few of them, interspersed with screenshots from unclechicken’s latest game, Wizzard…

1. Listen to the Napalm Death song, You Suffer, fifteen times.

Roy Wood has really let himself go, hasn't he?

Roy Wood has really let himself go, hasn’t he?


2. Run 100 metres, three times. If you’re Usain Bolt.


Spoiler: the letter “t” doesn’t actually do anything, presumably because your wife isn’t listening.


3. Google “things you can do in under 30 seconds”, and decide they’re all a bit crap.

The Wizzard goes off on his epic quest to find his lost love...

The Wizzard embarks on his epic quest to find his lost love…


4. Play unclechicken’s latest game, Wizzard.

...oh, there she is.

…oh, there she is. Those pointy things in the background are either the pyramids of Giza, or The Point, Milton Keynes.


5. Write a CSSCGC review about unclechicken’s latest game, Wizzard.

Whaaaaaat?! That’s the whole review? I hear you cry. Well, back in the early 00s you’d be lucky to get a paragraph or even a sentence. One of my entries’ reviews consisted of three words – “Argh! My ears” – which was probably more than it deserved, but still poor compensation for the sweat and toil I’d put into the game. So think yourselves lucky I’ve got to 200 words already!

Score: 1 zeptosecond out of 100 aeons.

Download here.