Piss in a Pint

Note: This review, like the game, is recycled from last year’s Touch the Ring by R Tape, which in turn was recycled from 2013’s Kick the Ballboy by Rebelstar without a Cause.

To be honest I can’t believe I’m getting away with this twice!


Well, you can’t accuse the Spectrum community of not having its finger on the pulse – barely a day has passed since the last big Boozed-up Britain story and a satirical game has appeared. You don’t have to know much about bar work to enjoy this game, if you can recognise Al Murray doing his famous “White wine for the ladies” routine you will know this game refers to the ongoing challenge of owning a bar and having to deal with inebriated and obnoxious customers.


Setting the scene


The opening screen creates a dramatic atmosphere, and tells you what you need to do: PISS IN A PINT! The game boasts some animated sprites of Massivepubian proportions, and as the customer’s eyes scan the pub left and right, you need to press P to piss while he’s looking the other way. The customer is a creature of habit, and his eyes follow a somewhat hypnotic (and very predictable!) rhythm.

Title Screen

Lovely pint of Chunk-o-vision™ Piss


My best score is 102, and it’s harder than you might imagine as you become impatient and attempt to squeeze another one in before the customer sees. In this way PIAP is a very clever, if open ended game. However, it is silent and cries out for some grating BEEP effects.


High Score Challenge!


I may not have said many negative things about this game yet, but rest assured, it is most definitely CRAP! An excellent third Keyword Challenge entry from MatGubbins.


Tipshack: When the customer’s eyes have just moved away from the right, you can squeeze out 6 or 7 good drips.

HACK PACK: Zoned-out customer: 2040 LET count=0


Score: Piss poor

Download: .tap


  1. lol!*

    I bet you never expected in a million years you’d be doing this 12 years hence!

    I get the gist from the (brilliant :-p) review, but where’s the game please?!

    *well not really, I lol every decade or so, but I’m most pleased and amused.

    1. Obviously I meant 12 *months* but I’ll be very disappointed if Myke isn’t still doing this in 12 *years*…

      I’m also sure Myke will be equally happy to have hosted 14 years of CGC consecutively.

      He’ll be like that poor chap who chewed his own tongue off in ‘seven’ though…

    2. It’s a fair cop Dave; I was so smug about the review I’d also forgotten to add the score! 😀

      1. Ooh Mat’s taken it up a notch there with those graphics. This could be a perfect analogy for evolution by incremental change, in 12 years Myke will be reviewing the next triple A blockbuster!

        I’m very impressed by people that can create these blocky graphics, like here and e.g. the Mojon’s Ultimate Communion Simulator. Even with the modern shortcuts they seem hard!

        1. Mike will be in Nirvana(<– hint!) when that happens.

  2. Now that is what I call a quality review, no plagarisms (sic), no repeats, top quality, all original, never seen before – not ever! (that’s right ms Taylor Swift, not ever!)

    But there’s one thing that’s bugging me, I really do like Myke-P reviewing my games as he is honest and truthful, but it does seem as if i) I’ve bunged him a bundle of used fivers, ii) set a competition to map a game to win an exclusive trophy, iii) taken out a block booking of adverts in a magazine to get that smash review. So….I hope BloodBaz or someone else reviews my next game just so that no one else spots this trend and stroking their chin and quizikly (sic again) thinking ‘Hmmmmm!?! Veeerrrrryy suspect!”

    BEEPs… must add BEEPs

    1. Nope. There’s no blurred lines here.

      1. Blood and sands! I’ve just watched the full video for that song and, while I don’t like restrictive copyright enforcement, I’m appalled by *everyone* that took part in that video.

        (Sorry, a bit off topic there, if WOS was working I could raise a nice hot thread in Chitchat…)

        1. Don’t tell me, you were so appalled you watched it twice?

          1. How DARE you accuse me of masturbating.

    2. You’re quite right – I do seem to have developed the monopoly on reviewing MatG games so far! Clint and da Crabs was going to be my last, but then I saw this opportunity and couldn’t resist. 🙂

      Rest assured Bloodbaz has already got the next one lined up.

      1. Good-o. I guess that the temptation was worth it.

        I must be bloody psychic!

        Square, wavey lines, triangle triangle circle, Ace of Spades, queen of hearts, 8 of clubs, 1,5,7,21,37,49

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