The comp.sys.sinclair crap games competition 2015 -

it's crap! In a funky skillo sort of a way.

Verify The Pie Or Not!

The terminally crap* Dave Hughes is back for this Keyword Challenge entry, entitled VERIFY THE PIE OR NOT ! Just to prove he hasn’t cheated, here’s what happens when you load the game:

VerifyPie2

Disappointingly for one of Dave’s games there’s no loading screen, but there is a small block containing some UDGs and the first use of a custom font in the competition so far (taken from ZX-Alfa by Einar Saukas) – sadly it’s far too legible to gain Dave any crap points.

After a catchy “sing the title” tune along the lines of The Sweeney or Mummy, Where’s My Bra? the instructions unfold. You work in a pie factory’s quality control department and have to check an unknown (possibly infinite) number of pies to make sure they are fit for human consumption. If the pie contains two edible ingredients, press 0. If it has one, press 1. If it’s completely inedible, press 2. Immediately Dave wins back some crap points for this topsy turvy control system, which requires you to use both hands.

VTPmenu

So the game starts, with a rather attractive user defined pie graphic, and straight away we have a pie which even Heston Blumenthal would turn his nose up at…

StrontMush

Now this sounds like it might be a delicacy in downtown Pripyat, but even the trendiest Shoreditch gastropub would have trouble sourcing Strontium-90 for its gourmet, artisan, can-I-have-a-second-mortgage-with-that pies. Although at least it’s suitable for vegetarians.

The game continues in a similar fashion, with some perfectly edible (if slightly odd-sounding) pies…CurryBacon

…and some which, if presented on a menu, you’d ask the waiter “Have you got this pie with leeks instead?”…

Verify1

…and one or two which even Eric Pickles would draw the line at…

TarpaulinSellotape

Now I don’t know if it’s the sheer weight of crap games I’ve had to endure over the last few weeks, or the gallons of alcohol I’ve had to imbibe to make the playtesting more bearable, but this game really made me laugh – I mean, proper, laugh out loud, belly laughter, to the point where I was doubled over with tears in my eyes, and my 5-year-old daughter kept asking what was the matter with me. I don’t know if it was by accident or design that the fillings got more outrageous as the game progressed, but just when I thought I’d seen every pie flavour known to man (and a few known only to people from Lincolnshire), another odd combination appeared and almost finished me off.

CricketBallCement

To make the game interesting it records various statistics including your time, number of “good” pies baked and number of incorrect answers. There were a few mystery items thrown in there too – I had no idea what “snoek” and “breccia” were until I played this game, but I now know that one’s not an Italian vegetable, and the other one isn’t a Norwegian hat – so the game also ticks the educational box!

Anyway, I’d better go, as the family are waiting patiently for me to dish up Sunday lunch. Today we’re having David Icke and dogmuck pie… mmmmm, lovely!

Score: Strontium-90 percent.

Download .tap here

*in a funky skillo sort of a way, natch

7 Comments

  1. Well, I got “Poo and Plum” pie and “Curtain and Mantelpiece” pie!

    1. I seem to get Curtain and Mantelpiece fairly regularly. Never the other way round, though.

  2. Sounds like you’ve got a bad case of the screaming carpdabs Lee, it’s all sunteam’s fault.

    I managed to get Strontium90 & Strontium90 pie, which confused my advanced text centre-ing routine.

    1. Yeah I forgot to mention the advanced text center-ing routine in the review. Far too impressive for a crap game though.

      I had a run of duplicate ingredient pies once – mushroom and mushroom, poo and poo, sellotape and sellotape etc. Hasn’t happened since.

      1. Just had a potato and butter pie as it happens, with Snack a Jacks, followed by yoghurt brazils. Health food freak.

        What have you done with WoS then eh? :-p

  3. After breaking into the program, I find that there is no 4 hour shift patterns, fag/loo breaks clocking in/out and nowhere to say prayers.
    A quick word with the quango health and safety department will have your pie factory closed down within hours – unless you can bribe them with some tasty morsels of pie.

    1. These are all things I can include in VERIFY THE PIE DX…

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