The comp.sys.sinclair crap games competition 2015 -

it's crap! In a funky skillo sort of a way.

Sex on 1st Date

Here comes yet another entry from the (appropriately-named, in this case) Gabriele Amore. I’ve been pussy-footing around this game for a while, but finally managed to stop fannying about and snatch a few spare moments to review it, although I think it might be a bit hard.

SOFD01

Enough of the puerile Finbarr Saundersisms. As you’d expect from the title, it’s a game involving having sex on the first date. As I’ve been in a relationship for 18 years and have two young children, the concept of both a “date” and “sex” are just a distant memory, but never mind, at least I can recreate it on the Speccy. Look at those graphics! I don’t think I’ve ever got so excited by a few well-placed attributes. Your lover and sex teacher Helen Blond certainly is easy on the eye (if you zoom right out and take your glasses off – alcohol probably helps too, but don’t drink too much)

SOFD02

My hart is full of lust, apparently. These pictures really don’t do the game justice, as they feature the best use of FLASH since the Manic Miner loading screen. And FLASH is the operative word – I won’t spoil the rest of the screens, but let’s just say that by the time you get on to the actual game your little swimming chaps will be stirred…SOFD06Did I mention this game was hard? Well it bloody well is. Using the M key (not sure what the M stands for – perhaps it’s something a bit mucky in Sicilian) you have to time your thrusts so that your lover is satisfied, and without getting too over-excited. Yellow star good, red cross bad.

SOFD07

On my first go, I got all aroused and it was all over far too early – a classic example of art imitating life. However with a bit of practice I worked out that if I hit the sweet spot every time my rubber lover would soon start BEEPing in ecstasy, and I moved on to the next position.

SOFD09

Now, either I’m not very good at this game, or I’m enjoying this position far too much, as I can’t ever seem to get off this level, and Helen keeps accusing me of being a selfish lover. Art imitating life again. Gab even included a link to an instructional YouTube video, but perhaps RedTube would’ve been a more appropriate place to upload it, as it now seems to have been pulled off (Stop it! Ed.)

Score: 69. What else?

Download here.

7 Comments

  1. I think the font has to get a thumbs up from me (if she’s into that sort of thing), as it is very well made. The letter i looks like a male appendage and so on. I wonder if that was deliberate?

    Not sure what Mrs F. would think if I download the game, but I’m in safe hands there – she wouldn’t know how to get it up as it runs on a Speccy, which is a bit like most household gadgets we own – if the instructions don’t consist of something simple like “Press the power switch, then the unit is on. Press the power switch and the unit is now off.” then it’s my device/tool/appliance and I have to ‘do it’.

    1. The letter i looks like a male appendage and so on. I wonder if that was deliberate?

      Yes I should’ve mentioned the font – as well as the willy-shaped I a few of the other letters (A, M) look a bit like nudey women. Genius!

  2. I keep being selfish on the shower scene. It is a bit hard to pull off that scene, but with more hand action on the M key, I might be able to stop being premature finishing the level.

    1. I keep being selfish on the shower scene.

      I only made it that far once. Art imitating life, yet again.

    2. Sex in the shower is the most difficult one…everything is so slippery that is hard to keep things under control 😀

  3. Gab, but what the f**k (in every sense)…?!

  4. Owww only 3 levels, but damn, that shower scene is a difficult bunny to crack.

    Hope that condoms were worn otherwise there might be a trip to the clinic or the doctor for the ultrascan.

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